Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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