If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
