My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
apparently the secret to your success is patron
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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