I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
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