They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Randomize
