The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize