its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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