1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
