funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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