Your tits are I can't wait for
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
