mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I will die if light touches me.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize