We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize