The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
