My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
