U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
