i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You pole danced in your parka.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
