i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
