Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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