the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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