I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
