Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
