Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
