It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
