Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
