alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I have post one night stand depression
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