hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I party with great urgency now.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
