Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
