The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Randomize
