We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
