You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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