You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
