how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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