Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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