I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
