I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
