At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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