He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
