so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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