it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
