He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
