Please, let me fuck your mom
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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