So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
