my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
