So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
