I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
