Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
