lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
