i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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