how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
