so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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