I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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