I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
two words: eviction party
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize