you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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