so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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