this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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