Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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