There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
