is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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