I don't usually arrange sex via text message
My hand turned me down
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
