what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
