I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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