You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
