I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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