Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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