This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
3pm strippers are depressing
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
