Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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