She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
