You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
