I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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