My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Non-Jews are for practice
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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