Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
