I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
