Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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