You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
