garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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