I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Randomize
