I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
