so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
