i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
