I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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