i permit you to call me
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
