Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
