Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
